Taking over life.

I'm told that you can either happily live with your sexuality as a small part of a whole which you can live with or your can weave your sexuality into your identity so it becomes you.

Its interesting I don't know if that's true. I have seen people whose sexuality I couldn't guess, and will never know, but I have also meet people who wear their sexuality proudly. I respect both sets of people whole heartedly. As long as they have chosen their own path. I am no world authority, I know few people.

I think it's relevant to me because if I was to change my life and come leaping majestically out of my closet from behind the myriad of clothing I have stored in there, I wonder how I will be. It's something I have thought about randomly.

I was spooked a few weeks ago. I needed a small holdall to carry my gym kit in and pack as an overnight bag when I go away. At the time I didn't know how often I would use it so I went to the market to buy something cheap and cheerful.  The only bag I could find was camouflage in design I reluctantly bought it and took it home. I carried the bag into my living room and as I was on the verge of putting it on the dinning room table my son shouted 'Lesbian.'

I froze routed to the spot, does he know something? Has he read my emails? A thousand thoughts ran through my head. I lost the ability to think clearly. Was I being outed by my son? It took forever for my heart to beat again and when it did I caught my breath and turned to face him. 'What do you mean?' He pointed to the bag and laughed. I turned away I sighed the biggest sigh of silent relief I could muster. This is what prompted my musings. I guess the realisation that ones sexuality isn't ever far away from a conversation.